© 2000 John P. Hewitt

On election night I watched the returns with growing fatigue. First Gore held Florida, then he lost it, then Fox gave it to Bush, then CNN took it back. I drifted off to sleep, wondering what President would be ahead by morning.

Sleep came, and then a dream so vivid that when I awoke I could remember every detail. In my dream, the truth of the Presidential election was made plain to me by an old and very frail wizard sent from the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to enlighten me. "ELECTIONUS INTERRUPTUS," he intoned as he hovered in midair before my eyes. "You will not know your President for weeks," he said. "I have placed a spell that will delay the outcome."

I rubbed my eyes. And then he solemnly informed me that he had been sent as an Ambassador to help us see the truth about ourselves. "You have read the Harry Potter books," he explained, "and so you will understand me. To comprehend this Presidential election, you must see each participant as a ghostly shadow of a witch or wizard from my world. Only then will you see what is happening to you."

I thought hard. Who in the political realm would be the equivalent of youthful Harry Potter - intelligent, brave, loyal, wise beyond his years, admired by most witches and wizards even though he occasionally broke the rules, and pursued relentlessly by evil enemies who hated the very thought of him? And who would be Lord Voldemort, the once powerful wizard who had embraced the dark side of magic and who was never far from Harry's mind?

And then it hit me! Duh! Harry Potter is Bill Clinton -- smart, widely admired, a powerful wizard, but also a rule-breaker pursued vigorously by determined enemies. But what about Harry's chief enemy, Lord Voldemort, whose efforts Harry defeated? Many names crossed my mind, but then in a flash I realized that "He Whose Name Must not Be Spoken" could only be Newt Gingrich, one who fought with evil intent against our hero, but whose power Harry - I mean Bill - broke. Hiding out in some unknown place, his strength but not his determination reduced, Lord Voldemort longs for the chance to return, and so do his sponsors and supporters, the Republicans, who have embraced the dark forces of magic and set themselves against all that is good.

But what about the election itself - the candidates for office and their mentors? It turned out to be so simple even I could fathom it. Al Gore could only be Hermione Granger-a smart girl in Harry's year at Hogwarts who always knows the right answer and waves her hand wildly to get her teachers' attention. Fellow students grudgingly respect her smarts, and some of them really like her. But she is hard to like and easy to tease. Hermione is a Type A witch.

And Joe Lieberman? Ron Weasley, sidekick to Hermione and Harry. Ron is feisty, especially when it comes to protecting Harry and helping plan and carry out the threesome's dangerous adventures from their rooms in Gryffindor, one of the four houses at Hogwarts . Ron is foolhardy sometimes, but a willing and brave partner, a good and solid boy.

What about the other side? Who among the witches and wizards could tell us about the character of George W. Bush (not to be confused with his father, George H. W. Bush)? I wasn't long figuring it out. "W" can only be Draco Malfoy, Harry's evil arch-enemy from Slytherin House. Draco is full of smirk and swagger, though in truth he relies on his sidekicks Crabb and Goyle (James Baker and Karen Hughes) for muscle. When in trouble he whines and turns to his poppy - excuse me, his father - who tells him what to do and say and bails him out. Lucius Malfoy, like Bush the Elder, has many, many connections, and his cronies are always ready to lend a hand. And Dick Cheney can only be Professor Snape, who always has it in for Harry and his friends and is ever ready to rescue Draco, however stupid his actions.

And the present media? Dementors all! Dementors are evil, cloaked guards from Azkaban prison who suck the joy and life from everything they approach. They, too, have it in for Hermione and Ron (not even to mention Harry!) and are all too eager to administer their kiss of death. But Draco Malfoy should be wary, for they can easily turn their cold gaze on him, not being moved by either principle or loyalty. One person is as good as another when it comes to feeding on happiness.

And Ralph Nader - an easy pick as Guilderoy Lockhart, the self-centered but largely ineffective "Defense Against the Dark Arts" teacher who had played havoc with Harry, Ron, and Hermione's second year at Hogwarts. He spoiled every defense technique he tried to teach. In the end, he left Hogwarts in disgrace, having failed his most important test of bravery and judgment. Irrelevant. Less there than meets the eye. Never to be taken seriously again.

And the Muggles themselves? What about those clueless folk forced to live without benefit of magic, who dread what they cannot understand? God must love muggles, I decided, and he must want them to live in warmth and sunshine. Florida: The Muggle State. The rules are different there, and the Dursleys, Harry's uncomprehending muggle step-parents, run the courts.

As I came to see how the characters at Hogwarts could help me understand this election, I asked Ambassador Wizard two questions. First, I inquired, when will the election be resolved and who will be the President. "I don't know," he said. "Professor Trefalwney ought to be able to see in her crystal ball, but she is almost never right, and she claims she can't see the outcome clearly. Perhaps there will be no winner." My heart sunk. Well, I thought, in that case it wouldn't be Hermione Granger, but it wouldn't be Draco Malfoy either. And - who knows - perhaps Harry Potter will once again save the day. The Ministry of Magic might appoint him Acting President.

Then I asked my second question. "What about Professor Albus Dumbledore. What character does h e represent? Isn't there a place for Hogwarts' wise and kind head master, the embodiment of good, a wizard of extraordinary powers who always comes through to save the day for Ron, Hermione, and Harry ? Who is Dumbledore?"

"Alas," said the Wizard, "there is no Dumbledore here, no one even remotely like him. You are on your own. And don't count on Harry Potter, either. He's clever, but even he can't solve every problem. And as for Hermione and Ron - well, they are good people, but without Dumbledore and Harry, their powers are weak."
Then the Wizard vanished in a puff of smoke, and I was left alone - with CNN, Fox, and MSNBC my only companions. I had seen the truth. And though I knew Harry would triumph in the end, I prepared myself for disappointment. There would be, I thought, a lengthy Quidditch match in which Draco Malfoy, through some sneaky and evil doings, caught the Snitch, ended the match, and won the cup for the Slytherins.

 

Postscript: OK, so I was wrong about Snape.

Return to Social Commentary

Return to Home Page